Weathered
by Tracy Space Cowgirl
Summary: How Kyle’s holding up in the storm of life after Departure.


Weathered  
By Tracy (biancaheart@yahoo.com)  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Category: Kyle  
  
Spoilers: "Behind the Music"  
  
Summary: How Kyle's holding up in the storm of life after Departure.  
  
Disclaimer- Song lyrics are by Creed. And I don't own Roswell. Nope, Nosiree.  
  
_I lie awake on a long, dark night  
I can't seem to tame my mind  
Slings and arrows are killing me inside  
Maybe I can't accept the life that's mine  
No I can't accept the life that's mine_  
  
It's been over six months.  
  
Over six months, and I'm still trying to remember how to live.  
  
Trauma. My life's been full of it lately. Being shot, being rescued. Fighting aliens. Loosing a friend. Finding the betrayer. And none of it can be proven. Because, as far as the world is concerned, none of it ever happened. I'm suffering post-traumatic stress from events that never happened.  
  
I go to school. I work.   
  
But somewhere within all of this, I've lost who I am.  
  
I used to know, but I don't anymore.  
  
_Simple living is my desperate cry  
Been trading love with indifference   
yeah it suits me just fine  
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone  
Maybe that's why I feel alone  
  
Maybe that's why I feel so alone_  
  
I thought over time, as time went by, that things would be easier. That my life would settle into a routine, and I'd become some sort of zombie.  
  
Instead, It's all there. Right there, burning inside.  
  
I spend most of the time, when I'm not at school, or working, by myself. I let her close, and she hurt me. I can't risk that again. I can't. So instead, I sit by and watch everybody else.  
  
Not that it doesn't hurt. It does.  
  
This summer…I started to develop feelings for Isabel. Crazy, I know. But for a couple of minutes, I thought maybe, maybe if I could hold on to her, then I wouldn't loose my way.   
  
I never told her. I stayed Kyle, the trusty truly platonic guy friend. Will to her Grace.  
  
She got married. To some guy she met this summer. A lawyer. Big whoopdedoo.  
  
For once I lost my nerve. I lost my nerve, and I lost her. Not that she was ever mine.  
  
So I sit silently, and watch my friends kiss, romance, and break up.  
  
And if I act indifferent, nobody notices.  
  
  
_Me…I'm rusted and weathered  
Barely holding together  
I'm covered with skin that peels and   
it just won't heal_  
  
Tess…she mindwarped me too.   
  
Why didn't I die?  
  
Maybe I am. Maybe this is what Alex was going through, right at the end, before he died. Maybe a mindwarp is a slow and agonizing way to die. Slowly eating away at your mind, your body, until you're just a figure made of skin, floating freely in the breeze.  
  
It's Christmas, and I feel like I'm in intensive care for the soul.  
  
  
_The sun shines and I can't avoid the light  
I think I'm holding on to life too tight  
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
Sometimes I feel like giving up  
  
Years from now, I'll still be   
Me…I'm rusted and weathered  
Barely holding together  
I'm covered with skin that peels   
and it just won't heal_  
  
I wonder what the point is. Why I'm even here anymore.   
  
I'm everybody's councilor, listening to their problem, their heartaches.  
  
Everybody is moving on, except for me. Years from now, I'll still be working in the Auto Repair shop, taking care of my Dad, who will be singing for the nursing home crowd.  
  
Last year, there was the sense of a battle. The skins were coming to get us, and hey, we had to save the world. But when the enemy was within our circle, it broke our group of friends. We're fragmented, and I'm the part that's floated away.  
  
When I walk past the Bus depot, I fantasize about hopping on the bus and riding away. Maybe finding my Mom. Maybe going to college. But just away, away, away from here.  
  
But every day, I keep on walking.  
  
  
  
_The day reminds me of you  
The night hides your truth  
The earth is a voice  
Speaking to you  
Take all this pride  
And leave it behind  
Because one day it ends  
One day we die  
Believe what you will  
That is your right  
But I choose to win  
So I choose to fight  
To fight_  
  
I feel her everywhere.   
  
Tess, Tess, Tess.  
  
I loved her. I wouldn't admit it though. Everyone I ever said "I love you" to has gone away. My mother. Liz.   
  
I didn't say it, and Tess left anyway.  
  
If I did say it, would she have stayed? Would she ever have slept with Max if I grabbed her at the prom, and kissed her like I had in all my dreams?  
  
I'll never know.  
  
I look up at the stars, looking for her. As if maybe she could see me, wherever she is. As if she'd even care.  
  
I figure that I do have a reason for being here.   
  
The fight isn't over, is it? Is there only a singular enemy out there, with blond curls?  
  
I don't think so.  
  
I'll die one day.   
  
Everybody does. It's a fact of life. I was given a second chance. And I won't give that up.  
  
At least, not, without a fight.  
  
I'm not broken, I'm just weathered.


End file.
